left work today at 3.

came home, crawled in bed and took a 2 hr nap.  then got up and headed out to the alert n advisory meeting.  found out when i got there, that there was none this evening. so i talked to carter and ray for a bit, then left.  went to mcdonalds, but didn't go thru the drive thru.  i went inside, and sat down and ate there.

and i know it was only mcdonalds, but it sorta felt like i was treating myself by not eating in the car while driving.

I met this guy yesterday.  

Bryan Johnson with http://www.bridgebackinterventions.com/Home_Page.php

I learned a lot.  He was really interesting.  I feel like i had a 30 minute personal lesson in addictions and behaviors from a highly acclaimed master.  

10% of the problem is the drugs and alcohol.  90% is the twisted brain patterns that arise because of the alcohol and drugs.  If you can get the drugs and alcohol taken away, that in turn allows the brain and the mind to start untwisting, then a person is able to dig to find the trauma that is the root cause of the whole problem.  And most times there is a trauma in the past life.  Whether it is sexual abuse ("that sticks with a person") or verbal, or violence, or most anything.  "And then we can finally start to deal with the root cause."  

Addiction is a disease.  It will kill you.  

Other tidbits that i found interesting.  Detoxing from opiates will not kill you.  You will feel like you are dying, but it won't kill you.  On the other hand, benzo's and alcohol can kill you, if not tapered off properly.  Opiates focus on the respiratory system.  Benzo's and alcohol are not site specific.  They "wash" all organs.  (I had never heard that term before.)  Basically, every organ is affected by benzo's and alcohol.  There is a systemic response to benzo's and alcohol.  

Benzodiazepines (ativan, valium, etc) work exactly the same way that alcohol does.  Benzo's are the pill form of liquid alcohol.  They have the same effects on brain, on mind, on body.  

The lesson was interrupted before i got to ask the question that i wanted to ask.  And that was, what about carbs? sugar?  starches?  how does that play into things?  Do carbs, specifically sugar, cause an addiction?  Can sugar be used in the same way to run from problems the way that drugs and alcohol are used?  

Granted, i know what my trauma is.  I'm just wondering if sugar is my drug of choice?  And does it twist the brain in the way that an addiction to alcohol or other drugs does?

i made chocolate cake today, that was pretty good.
i used those little mini muffin cake pans and made bite size cakes.
and then,
i wanted icing.

well, i didnt have any milk for icing
didn't quite know what to do.
and i really had no desire to go get milk.

so i took what was left of the peanut butter, maybe 2 tablespoons
and i took an equal amount of lard
(eyeballed equal)
put a bit of salt in, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla.
and some 10x
and beat it all together.
wow, it was crumbly.
rats, can't get away without milk, apparently.
so i put about a tablespoon of plain yogurt into the mix and beat it, along with some more 10x
oh my. it really tasted odd. sweet and odd.
so i scrounged up a bit more peanut butter and added that.

it wasn't too bad.
it really wasn't too bad!

and then, i made mac n cheese with a bit of yogurt in it, too.
it was awesome.