came home, crawled in bed and took a 2 hr nap. then got up and headed out to the alert n advisory meeting. found out when i got there, that there was none this evening. so i talked to carter and ray for a bit, then left. went to mcdonalds, but didn't go thru the drive thru. i went inside, and sat down and ate there.
and i know it was only mcdonalds, but it sorta felt like i was treating myself by not eating in the car while driving.
i got up around noon, ate cheese and bologna and headed out to the garden.
pulled weeds, dug up the red beets. decided to let the carrots in the ground for now. found that i missed some onions when i pulled them this summer. they are coming back up again. so i left them grow a bit more. pulled out the zucchini plant. chopped off the cabbages and pulled the stalks. gathered the green tomatoes and pulled the stalks. same for the peppers. the ground was cold on my bare feet.
the shadow came over part ways thru the afternoon.
i cooked up the red beets, found a recipe for juice, and canned 3 pints of beets. and they all three sealed. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself. the first canning i've done, other than as a kid at home. while i was doing that, i cleaned the frig.
then i started complaining about being hungry, and the shadow picked up on it. so we made pancakes. i stirred some peanut butter into the batter. i cooked the pancakes, she put them together. pancake, butter, banana, and repeat. and syrup to cover it. it was really good. just a hint of peanut butter. we sat out on the deck to eat.
and after she went back to the neighbors, i googled to find something to do with those green tomatoes. i found a green tomato bread recipe, so i made it. it was good. it made two loaves. but i still had some green tomatoes left. so i found a green tomato salsa recipe and made it. not sure i like it, but we shall see. i figure on taking it along to work tomorrow. they can tell me if it is any good or not.
I learned a lot. He was really interesting. I feel like i had a 30 minute personal lesson in addictions and behaviors from a highly acclaimed master.
10% of the problem is the drugs and alcohol. 90% is the twisted brain patterns that arise because of the alcohol and drugs. If you can get the drugs and alcohol taken away, that in turn allows the brain and the mind to start untwisting, then a person is able to dig to find the trauma that is the root cause of the whole problem. And most times there is a trauma in the past life. Whether it is sexual abuse ("that sticks with a person") or verbal, or violence, or most anything. "And then we can finally start to deal with the root cause."
Addiction is a disease. It will kill you.
Other tidbits that i found interesting. Detoxing from opiates will not kill you. You will feel like you are dying, but it won't kill you. On the other hand, benzo's and alcohol can kill you, if not tapered off properly. Opiates focus on the respiratory system. Benzo's and alcohol are not site specific. They "wash" all organs. (I had never heard that term before.) Basically, every organ is affected by benzo's and alcohol. There is a systemic response to benzo's and alcohol.
Benzodiazepines (ativan, valium, etc) work exactly the same way that alcohol does. Benzo's are the pill form of liquid alcohol. They have the same effects on brain, on mind, on body.
The lesson was interrupted before i got to ask the question that i wanted to ask. And that was, what about carbs? sugar? starches? how does that play into things? Do carbs, specifically sugar, cause an addiction? Can sugar be used in the same way to run from problems the way that drugs and alcohol are used?
Granted, i know what my trauma is. I'm just wondering if sugar is my drug of choice? And does it twist the brain in the way that an addiction to alcohol or other drugs does?
i was at the fire n ems chief's meeting this evening again. and once again, i was the only female in the room. its really odd. never once, in my growing up years did i think that i would be where i am now. it is so very odd, i am the last person i would ever expect to have the job i do i mean, i'm an ems chief.
how? how did i end up like this? and why did i end up like this? when will i find intimacy instead of outskirts?
i made chocolate cake today, that was pretty good. i used those little mini muffin cake pans and made bite size cakes. and then, i wanted icing.
well, i didnt have any milk for icing didn't quite know what to do. and i really had no desire to go get milk.
so i took what was left of the peanut butter, maybe 2 tablespoons and i took an equal amount of lard (eyeballed equal) put a bit of salt in, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. and some 10x and beat it all together. wow, it was crumbly. rats, can't get away without milk, apparently. so i put about a tablespoon of plain yogurt into the mix and beat it, along with some more 10x oh my. it really tasted odd. sweet and odd. so i scrounged up a bit more peanut butter and added that.
it wasn't too bad. it really wasn't too bad!
and then, i made mac n cheese with a bit of yogurt in it, too. it was awesome.